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Happiness: You're Doing Just Fine Without It

Photo by Elisabet Dominguez

Depression has been a lifelong battle and one that is overwhelmingly draining and pierces you with grief and sorrow. " Why can't I just be happy?" That was the question I would always ask myself.
I was tired of feeling my pain and sleeping in my sorrows. I was burdened by emotion and I desired to feel something that would remind me why life was worth living, like happiness. I wanted it and didn't know how to get it and I believed that my anger, my sadness, my disappointments and tribulations were obstacles to achieving this emotion I desired so much for my soul.
But what exactly is happiness?
I believe that happiness cannot be achieved by success, fame, money or the things of this world. I never searched for happiness outwardly, but I also never searched for happiness from within either, and that was where I messed up. I was blinded by the belief that happiness was something that could be acquired just by living a really good life. A life with no hurt, no pain, no fears and I believed that in order to be happy I should not have to experience things like depression or any of my painful experiences.
But what about the ability to be whole? I searched so deeply for happiness that I forgot that becoming one with myself and self-contentment was actually more satisfying in life rather than happiness. Happiness is inevitably the result of wholeness, and when you are whole, when you are content and when you are filled with self-love nothing can stop your happiness.
I realized that instead of focusing on how I could be happy, I chose to focus on how I could love myself more than I ever have before and in order to love myself I had to accept my depression; I had to accept my grief and my pain stricken circumstances. I had to tell myself that it's actually okay to not be okay. In essence, I found that I needed to cherish my humanness in order to attain any level of happiness, but I also found that being human is ten times more satisfying than being happy. I can cry, I can laugh, I can experience sorrow all while being whole and happy at the same time.
Life is meant to be experienced. Instead of focusing on how you can maintain happiness and good fortune, focus on how you can be as human as can be. Allow yourself to go through the struggle and I assure you that you will stumble upon happiness in a way you never experienced it before. Don't focus on trying to be happy, let's focus on how we can simply be human.
Written by,
Minaa B.

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