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Imperfectly Beautiful

Photo by Patrick Donnelly
“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.” 
― Amy Bloom
Beauty is defined by what we outwardly see. Something that is appealing to the eye. Appeasing to the doorways of our mind. It is what makes our eyes dances with excitement. Sadly, society has silenced what true beauty is instead, beauty is now power. Beauty is what the person next to us lacks and what we aspire to have. Beauty has been stripped from its original concept, which is to be engulfed by love.
For years I clawed away at myself. I was never pretty enough, skinny enough, or happy enough. I never felt full. I had this huge gnawing at me that seemed to only emphasize what I lacked. This resulted in not wanting to take pictures with friends. I would not join in social gatherings for the possibility that I did not look like I belonged. I felt like I was always coming up short. I felt that all my friends appeared to be happy, but I felt stuck. The smiley face was put on at the beginning of the day, a choice I made to cover my lack. In this I began to believe the lies I told myself of not being enough. I was raised with loving parents that constantly told my sisters and I of our worth, but they were supposed to think that. How come people did not want to be my friend? How come guys only talk to all the girls around me? Why am I always left feeling short? 
Song of Solomon 4:7
You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way
In August of 2011, I learned what real beauty is. Beauty is Jesus Christ. Beauty is selflessly coming down from the throne and taking on my lack. Beauty is restoring me everyday when I feel like it should be my last. Beauty is Him washing away my filth, taking me into His presence. Beauty does not force me to change or dress up my lack. No! Beauty took me and placed me in front of the mirror that exposed my lack, and glorifies the God in me. Beauty took unhappiness and showed me that seeking it within myself I will never be filled. Beauty has shown me that I was never created to be like anyone else. 
I would be lying if I stated I do not struggle anymore with my worth, my looks, my body, or with how others see me. I do, I still critic myself. I still wish I could have smiled a little longer. Spoke to that stranger. Worked out harder or even bought that lipstick. I still struggle, but I choose to submit my struggles to Him and as I continue to, He shows me even more how beautiful I really am. 
Written by, 
Aunteia Lovett

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