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How to Gain Your Confidence Back In The Midst of Your Struggles

photo by whcoles

From the moment that I rise, to the moment of my slumber, I have to consistently find ways to keep myself elevated throughout the day and be intentional about my thinking in order to stay positive and ward off things like depression + anxiety while managing my fears and my doubts.

Imagine having to do this everyday for your whole entire life! It's a process. But it's essential to human development, and I become more and more aware when I face my storms and triumph through my battles, that confidence is something that we are born with- it is a habit that we cultivate daily and it'll last only if we continue to nourish ourselves in positive and healthy ways. 

Confidence is also rooted in the things we believe in. For a long time I based my value + my worth on my good deeds and my accomplishments in life. I believed that success was only rooted in my external outcomes and I felt as if the only the good parts of me were worthy of praise.

What happens when I fail? When I mess up? When I don't get the reward I am seeking. Or the promotion I expected. Or the compliment I felt I deserved? Who am I then? And how do I perceive myself?

Life is a process of unfolding. It takes being teared down in order to be built back up. The journey is about being content with who you are and where you are dwelling within space and time. Emitting gratitude towards yourself for simply "being" is a courageous act- it's making a choice to love on yourself for being just you, not who the world tells you to be, or being formed by the opinions and expressions of others. 

Consider these three things when you struggle with confidence:

1. Who Are You?
Seems like an easy question to answer right? In most cases you'd say I am *insert name here* and yes, although that is the correct answer- you already know what your name is. Now remove yourself from that and deeply think about who you are and what makes you you. For years when I tried to look inward I defined myself as Jessmina, Social Worker, college graduate, sister, daughter, friend, etc. But what happens when all these things are stripped away from me? Who am I then?

The point of this practice is not to allow yourself to get caught up in the external world and its offerings. It's knowing that you are human above all else, and your confidence is not dependent on your title, roles or accolades. 

To answer this question myself: I am a being who was created by God and I find my strength within him. I acknowledge myself as both good and bad- and I tap into my confidence by knowing that although I am an imperfect person, I am still worthy of love and I am valued. Love is who I am by nature and the external world cannot alter that.

eliminate the voices that try to disturb or threaten your peace. 

2. Confidence is hidden within the unknown
As humans, exploration is apart of our growth process, for it enables us to gain confidence by helping us to tap into our strengths and weaknesses, which helps us to flourish in all aspects of our lives. 

Our future selves are hidden within the unknown and the unknown is something that we cannot control. Having confidence does not mean that you are immune to loss, hardship or tribulation- even people with great self-esteem, good health and high confidence, go through suffering and turmoil. 

Life stressors are managed well when you are receptive to the unknown and are aware that you cannot control or foresee future circumstances. What you can control- is your reaction to the hurt that surrounds you. Release yourself from the burden of carrying the weight of your past and your future- instead, carry peace and be at ease with knowing that your struggles and your weaknesses are not apart of the problem, they are apart of the solution that will lead you to a better you.

3. Practice the art of confidence
Living a confident life means allowing yourself to be seen + letting your voice be heard and altering the voices in your mind that try to keep you small + hidden. Be in tune with the parts of yourself that remain timid and shy. What areas of the body tense up when you find yourself in uncomfortable situations that often leads you to losing your confidence? Release your tension and kindly speak over yourself with affirmation and validation- invite peace into your center and be warm with your words. Always think of yourself as someone who has something to bring to the table- you only become small and insignificant when you believe that you are small and insignificant. 

A big part of being confident is knowing that you are worthy and that you deserve to be recognized. Re-arrange your thought patterns and alter what is on the inside in order to see the results that you are seeking on the outside––that will lead you to living a more confident life.

Journey gracefully today.

Written by,
Minaa B.

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